When a society tends toward disintegration, a man goes right on saying what he always says except that he doesn’t mean it and she doesn’t believe it. As the content gets to be less and less to be relied on, the style becomes more and more important. The one who is cheated most, however, is the woman. The man still gets his sex, but the woman doesn’t get her love.

When a woman isn’t really loved, there is all kinds of “hell” to pay. She could refuse to give sex, but then she doesn’t get asked out, and that is even worse than getting only the illusion of love. At least the illusion of love is a temporary salve. But she is fully aware of that temporary status and revolts against it, though she may not break completely from it.

A woman in such a situation begins to live more and more in the present, because to look into the future is to realize her plight, so she demands the most the present can offer in the way of entertainment, attention, and excitement. She wants security but, fearing that she can’t really get it, she settles for the next best thing, which is notoriety, because it will assure her a constant (though not stable) round of dates.

In men, sex is a need, but in women sex can be a weapon.

A woman sometimes uses sex as the leverage to get what she wants, which (if not love) is status. Status is money and the things money can buy. Unloved women use sex as a weapon for financial exploitation.

When this kind of woman is openly sought, she holds back on sex for a better bargaining position. When she sees a man who looks as if he has a lot with which to bargain, she uses sex to entice his interest

When the moral man indulges in sex to whatever degree his morality will allow, he ought to know whether he is warming his hands over a kitchen stove or he is fanning the flickering flames of a potential forest fire.

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The great essayist, Oliver Goldsmith, however, once revealed an interesting concept. He said: “Adventure is inconvenience rightly considered.” Now elegance is the sophisticated first cousin of adventure, and the essence of elegance is, “I will put off the gratification of my desire until I can gratify it at the very peak of my capacity to enjoy it. That leaves me free to enjoy the greatest possible anticipation all along the way and also makes me a person of great respect since my discipline puts me above the mundane world.”

Elegance hasn’t said a thing about morality, but sexual morality is possibly the greatest thing a person could be elegant about.

Look at it this way. You meet a woman and you fall in love, and then you wait until you are married to have sexual intercourse with her. You get all the anticipation along the way, you get the greatest possible enjoyment of the culmination of that anticipation, and you respect yourself for your discipline afterward. Nobody even uses the words “must” or “ought” in the aesthetic argument.

It is just the most elegant way to live. If you want to be elegant, you have to do elegant things. If you are not elegant, you are one who does not do elegant things. This is a gross oversimplification of a very complex argument, but at least the essence of it has been explained.

You wait just as long as you can before you hold her hand, and then you hold it at just the right moment. You wait just as long as you can before you kiss her, and then you lass her in just the right dramatic situation. You wait just as long as you can before you take her to bed, and the dramatic moment is after you have married her.

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